Sunday, 28 October 2018

RadiantKing: Finally Making His Intentions Known 2



King:
I couldn't believe what I heard that night. Well, she was right since I wasn't ready "...but now I am", I told her. I tried to convince her but didn't achieve much. Normally, I would join the mid-week service online from the office but the following day, I decided to go to church so I could see her. I had left the office early but by the time I arrived, it was like nothing happened there; no thanks to third mainland bridge traffic. I headed straight to her abode hoping she would be back home but she wasn't. I decided to wait but guess what? Her new guy came to drop her off while I was in my car watching. Chai! See my life. In my mind I was thinking: Where did they go? What has he bought for her? I have to reciprocate whatever gesture that guy has shown. So when she eventually came over, I opened the door for her to get in; I was taking her out.

We got to somewhere serene where I told her to order for anything she wanted while I was arranging words in my head. That night, I spoke all the English I knew trying just to get her to see things from my point of view. All she said, in the end, was that she now understood me better and would spare some thought. Well, I had a foot in the door but not quite there yet. I kept up the chase until weeks later, she told me she had let the other guy go and would give me a chance. I wished I could do backflips at that point. My joy was however shortlived as she rang me the following morning to tell me not to call her again. Nawa o! This battle is not yet won. What next? I resorted to text messages, after all, she only said no calls. When she was travelling, I offered to drive her to the park, before I went to work.

Now, here's the interesting part. I was descending the bridge into Obalende on my way to the office one morning. There was slow moving traffic. Chidiogo's call came in and she went straight to the point: "What is your vision for your life?" When she found out I was driving she said I could tell her later but I declined: "I will answer you now", I said. There were many sides to that question. First, I was impressed; no one had challenged me like that in the past. Second, it made me feel, this girl surely has a good head on her shoulder. My level of respect for her shot to the roof. Also, that question could throw any guy off if he was not prepared. But I was. I had an acronym for my goals: AFCRS meaning Academic, Financial, Career, Relationship (which would later become Marriage) and Spiritual. I later found out she recorded as I took my time to explain each of them and how she would fit in. That moment could have passed for a final interview with a multinational. This, I believe, was the deal breaker.

Radiant:
The relationship between me and the other guy died a natural death without communication. However, as King and I had a basic foundation of friendship, we still communicated with regards to editing the blog, helping my Masters application or other things not related to romance. Gradually, and without actually saying yes to a relationship, it was obvious we had a relationship. He had proven his seriousness. But little did we know we had another test just ahead.


Radiant ~ October 2018

Saturday, 27 October 2018

RadiantKing: Finally Making His Intentions Known




Radiant:
I had moved on with my life since my admirer did not reciprocate the affection. At least, he was no more blocking the way for other men. I started seeing someone - a tall, dark and handsome who had asked for a relationship from Day One. It was kind of strange though. My theory of first being friends before a relationship had not quite worked with Kingston. Here I was with someone I only had known from afar asking for a relationship. Well, I damned the rules and agreed to it. How else will I get to know him? After all, there are so many ways to kill a cat. We spent time talking about our lives while strolling or driving. I asked specific questions as I hadn't been given much time to figure out his personality. One day, I asked if he had fought in public before and he narrated an instance when he did. So I asked him if it were now, knowing all he knew, would he react the same way? He replied that sometimes people need to be taught a lesson to take you seriously. That remark rang as a red flag in my head: "Potential for domestic violence". 

Meanwhile, I got a call one night from Kingston. We chatted normally, then I decided to fill him in on what has been going on with me, after all, we were still friends. I told him I was now dating someone else. He was shocked to the marrow. I didn't understand why he was so surprised. Didn't he say he had exams to write? The next day, he left his office very early to beat the traffic. He sent me a text to come out but I had gone to Bible study and was on my way back with my new boyfriend. He waited while I bade my new boyfriend farewell, got out of his car and went into the house. 


Shortly after, I came out to meet Kingston. He asked that we went somewhere private. He poured out his heart that night. Told me that he was very attracted to me and will not want to lose me. He explained why he had said he needed time to focus on the exam, how he thought I had understood, how he was now willing to commit to a relationship in spite of the exam. He was saying all the things I had longed for him to say a few weeks before, but it was rather late. I told him I would think about it.

I was in a strait betwixt two - to go for the man I loved but who was initially uninterested or the man I am just getting to know who knew what he wanted from Day One. At this point, I knew I needed some elderly & spiritual advice. I asked both not to call me again, so as not to cloud my judgement. I travelled home to discuss with my mentor and my mom. Both had the same verdict - that both men were not serious. So I came back and asked both of them to give me some space as I needed to seek the Lord concerning the matter. 


Radiant ~ October 2018
The second part (King’s narration) of this episode is out. Click here to read. Did you miss the last episode? Click here to read about Him Not Saying Anything
Please leave comments below. Thanks

Tuesday, 23 October 2018

RadiantKing: Him Not Saying Anything



Radiant:
Kingston and I had become close friends. He gave me a lift to and fro Sunday service since my house was on his way to church. We had jovial chats and banter and I felt comfortable around him. He was now chief editor of my blog. He gladly did it and that, so excellently. I was in love with him. But I had a problem - he had not mentioned any intention of a relationship. 

I was in an awkward situation. I could not tell other interested parties that I was free to mingle, yet it would be costly to assume I was in a relationship with him as he hadn't said anything to me. I could either wait endlessly or broach him with the topic at the risk of sounding desperate. The problem with the first option was that I stood a risk of losing potential promising young men interested in me, for someone I was in love with who probably only saw me as a friend.

One day, during one of our chats, I seized an opportunity to ask for clarity on the status of our relationship. He dropped a bombshell, that he could not commit to a love relationship yet because he was preparing for an exam. I was very disappointed, yet relieved that I now knew my stance. First, I decided to stop being too much in his face. I told him I would find my way home on Sundays. I moved on with my life, but we kept in touch. He continued editing my write-ups and I didn't stop liking him.

King
I was going to resit a fast approaching professional exam after investing so much time, energy and financial resources into it. Passing it was my top priority that year. This was the main reason I had relocated to Yaba so as to be closer to the office and to channel some of the hours lost in traffic to personal studies. I had also enrolled for weekend tutorial classes, which culminated in taking a break from the choir and having very little time to spare for any other social endeavour. To my mind, anything asides friendship with Chidiogo at that time would present me as being irresponsible before her because I would not have been able to give her as much attention as I should. Moreso, after all my sacrifices for that exam, I wanted to minimise possible distractions to achieving my goal.

Although our communication waned during my academic spree, she was still a distraction even in her absence. I would find my mind wander off studies while thinking about her. I tried to fight these thoughts for a while but they just wouldn't leave. “Lord, what’s all this na? Can't a man simply study in peace?” Apparently, God was setting me up. Even though I had taken my foot off the relationship pedal, He favoured me.

I called her after work one evening. After the usual pleasantries, I asked if I could see her with the intention of arranging a date. But I got a shocker when she said: “Well, all this while you have been busy, I am now dating someone else”. “What? How? Who?” I quizzed with a puzzled look. Now the die was cast. It had officially become a contest between this other guy and me. I wasn’t going to give in without a fight. At this point, my books became secondary; getting the girl was the new priority.

To be continued...


RadiantKing ~ October 2018
Did you miss the last episode - RadiantKing:Becoming Friends? Click here to read.
Please leave your comments below. Thanks

Tuesday, 16 October 2018

RadiantKing - Becoming Friends


After our meeting at the inductions in July 2015, I left for Ghana for the Young African Leaders Initiative (YALI) programme which lasted 5 weeks. As fate would have it, I received only 2 phone calls from Nigeria. 

First, was from my then Chyker, the one of which I had said our relationship was complicated. Yes it was, because I was not attracted to him yet I wanted to get a chance to know him beyond his physical appearance, lest I miss out on God's gift in an uncomely wrapping. Though not Prince Charming, he had a lot of business sense and I learnt a few things from him. Since we had no common platform, we often met over drinks and chips, sharing ideas, trying to know each other better, but I was not comfortable with the idea of a relationship with him partly because he was much older than me. However, his call that day solved my dilemma. I was out late at a YALI business dinner at around 10pm, which was 11pm in Nigeria. As I could not hear him due to the loud music, I asked him to call back later. On getting home I got a stinker text from him, literally calling me a harlot who had gone to Ghana for some runs. That was the end. I began to wonder what I was even doing with someone with such mentality in the first place.

The 2nd call was from Kingston who I was very surprised to hear from, more so surprised at how long our first conversation lasted - over 30mins and the fact that he remembered me all the way from Nigeria. He started by commending me on my contribution to the group project and the discussion gradually moved to questions that would draw out my personality. He knew about the YALI programme, having been involved in community development projects himself, and shared interesting ideas about what he did. That got me thinking that maybe my first impression of him was flawed. I bought him a customized wristband with his name spelled wrongly as "Kingson". Lol. After these events, it became easier to say hellos and his to each other during rehearsals. He also had a way of finding out what I was involved in and bringing a different perspective to make them better. For instance, a lot of his feedback on my blog posts were so constructive that in no time I began to send my write-ups to him before publishing. 

One evening as I walked to the bus stop after work, I saw someone wave at me from a car. A few minutes later I got a phone call from him asking what I was doing in his area. I told him I worked in a hospital around there. Whether by divine providence or mere coincidence, Kingston had relocated to Yaba, close to where I worked and eventually lived. I was surprised when he visited me at the hospital on a particular Sunday I had missed church because I was on call. We had not started dating then; we just talked as friends. In fact, I had begun to date someone else, who I had to make a tough decision to leave because I knew the relationship was not right for me. My head knew what was right to do, but my heart was unwilling. I remember about 2 days after I called to break up the relationship, Kingston dropped by. I was still mourning my loss, though I knew I would never go back. I cannot remember what we talked about. I only know that I was speaking in parables trying to say I just had a sad but good break up. He was a good listener.

Then came West Africa Faith Believers Convention (WAFBEC) in Jan/Feb 2016 during which our friendship grew stronger. Kingston graciously offered a group of us lifts from the church after every night of the conference. Occasionally, another friend of his who couldn't leave his office early enough to attend the conference pleaded with him to take his wife, baby and mother-in-law to their house. I noticed that while Kingston excused other members of the crew, he would reserve a seat for me. After the conference, I often rode with him on Sundays since we lived close to each other. I began to really like him as I observed his character - his patience and gentility. Once, a cyclist bashed his side mirror. He didn't as much as get out of the car or shout on the man. Another day, two of his tires got terribly damaged by a sharp object on the road. He was more interested in how to get me home, but I insisted on staying till he had found a safe place to keep the car. I also noticed he was fond of me. Although I fantasized about a relationship, strangely he never brought it up.

Radiant ~ October 2018

That picture was taken during our Asante music concert in November 2015.
Please remember to leave a comment. 
Watch out for the next post on him not 'saying anything'.

Sunday, 14 October 2018

Work



I would love to share with you my sermon notes from today's Sunday service at The Kings Glory Centre, King's Lynn. 

Research shows that we spend about a third of our lives doing work.
Work is not a curse. God called us to do work from the beginning. Adam and Eve were designed to make their environment better.

A Christian's attitude towards work should be to:
Give it your best shot.
Be positive and don't grumble. Have joy in your heart.
Don't waste opportunities.
Take every opportunity to show the glory of God.

Colossians 3
22 Slaves, obey your earthly masters in every respect, not only when they are watching - like those who are strictly people-pleasers - but with a sincere heart, fearing the Lord.
23 Whatever you are doing, work at it with enthusiasm, as to the Lord and not for people

Ephesians 5
15 Therefore be very careful how you live - not as unwise but as wise,
16 taking advantage of every opportunity, because the days are evil.

God does not condone laziness and idleness.

Common motives for doing work include for money, power, pursuit of a career, belief in a course, envy, wanting to be like another. Ephesians 4:4 Then I considered all the skillful work that is done: Surely it is nothing more than competition between one person and another. This also is profitless - like chasing the wind.

All these will not last. They can't be taken to heaven. Money does not satisfy. 
Contentment is a gift of God.

Ecclesiastes 5
10 The one who loves money will never be satisfied with money, he who loves wealth will never be satisfied with his income. This also is futile.
11 When someone's prosperity increases, those who consume it also increase; so what does its owner gain, except that he gets to see it with his eyes?

A Christian's motive should be that of a calling. 
Colossians 3
1 Therefore, if you have been raised with Christ, keep seeking the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God

The Kingdom should be our focus.

God does not only care about what we do and how we work, but also about what we do with the proceeds of our work.  God wants us to be able to share with those in need. We should plan for the less fortunate. 

Ephesians 4
28 The one who steals must steal no longer; rather he must labor, doing good with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with the one who has need.


Radiant ~ October 2018
Please share in the comment section, your understanding of work as it applies to Christians. What should our attitude be? What should our motive for work be?

Saturday, 13 October 2018

RadiantKing - The Meeting 2


Kingston narrates:

Finally, I made up my mind to join C4 – the Covenant Christian Centre Choir – after observing from the congregation for about 2 years. A call was made for an audition of new members so I took the chance. Among the many called, I made the cut of the chosen few who began the induction process. At the end of the classes, we were split into 2 groups and asked to compose and perform a song as the final part of our induction process within 2 weeks. It was the kind of challenge I liked but I wasn’t expecting to see fingers pointed at me when it was time to choose a group leader. Gosh! A few people who knew me from my campus fellowship were in my group.

Anyway, we got to work. We decided on a theme for the song we would compose and to present suggestions through our Whatsapp group over the week. I observed there was a certain lady who kept sending voice notes and lyrics of her compositions even during work hours. It was nice to see someone shared such enthusiasm about the project but I felt we could do better as a group. So I would point her in the direction of what to change or to think of something entirely different. This happened several times but she didn’t stop. In the end, we worked on a composition by another member of the group. Having lost out on the song composition, she then suggested we could add a rap verse and sent in her lyrics. “Alright,” I said, “you will perform your rap when next we meet.”

The weekend came and we had to start learning the song due to the tight delivery schedule. I did look out for her to know who this bubbly person was. I eventually saw her and thought to myself, “She’s fine sha...but hey! no distractions; focus on the business at hand.” However, she caught my attention again. Another lady in the group had presented the rap part better than her. First I had rejected her song compositions and now chosen someone else to perform her rap, yet she remained cheerful all through…no drama. This made me think, “There must be something about this girl” but I kept my cool; we had a task to complete.

The day to deliver came, thankfully the Music Director scored us higher than the other group. Afterwards, we were formally inducted to the choir and asked to introduce ourselves, including relationship status. OK! I specifically listened for her turn and when it came, she said “it’s complicated”Hian! What does that mean? Well, her good conduct activated the FBI in me. For starters, I had to make her my friend; I wanted to know more about her. That was the beginning of many dramatic events that have since unfolded.

Stay tuned!

~ King

The picture above is the picture of our new choristers group on the day we were to perform our original song. Next post is on how we became friends and if you want to know why I said my relationship was complicated, make sure to check next week for my next post. Please let's talk below. I like to see comments. 

Radiant ~ October 2018

Monday, 8 October 2018

RadiantKing - The Meeting


I met Kingston at our church's new choristers' induction week. We had just scaled through the rigorous auditions process which comprised a written exam on music theory with questions like, 'which notes on the piano are not followed by black keys?' and a practical session where we were made to ah, ooh and eh till our chords could carry no more and based on that I was labelled a Soprano singer, contrary to my long held notion of being a Tenor singer. 

It was in this same choir I learnt that vocal parts are classified according to vocal ranges and not harmony. When I said "I sing tenor", I actually meant that I loved to harmonize with the high male tone. And since Sopranos usually sing the melody in many songs, people like me hated to be called Soprano singers because we preferred to harmonize. Well, this choir was different because sopranos got to harmonize sometimes. I am now a proud Soprano.

During the induction, we had sessions to help us understand the essence of being choristers and music ministers and how to submit to spiritual leadership. The final stage of our induction was for us to create an original music. We were classed in 2 groups to undertake the project. Kingston had a presence, exuded confidence and dressed smart. He was immediately nominated leader of my group and he did not decline. I noticed he avoided eye or verbal contact with me during our meeting. I concluded he was the type that felt girls would hover round him like bees for all his fineness and was making efforts to appear unavailable. That front peeved me for I thought, 'who is even interested in you?' 

We created a Whatsapp group to share our song ideas. I was job seeking at the time, so I was always posting stuff - a lyric today, a voice note tomorrow or a rap verse. I even did some basic piano accompaniment. Funnily, all my suggestions received some negative comments from him and I might have thought, 'is this guy so pompous or does he just have a very high standard?'. We finally chose a song by another member of the group and inculcated my rap which I didn't get to perform 'cause someone else had a better delivery. 

That is how I met King at the Covenant Christian Center (C3) choir, popularly called C4, but under those circumstances I could not imagine we would become friends.


Radiant ~ October 2018
PS: Interestingly King's experience of our meeting was quite different. Read more in the next post.

Saturday, 6 October 2018

Save The Date #RadiantKing


I am getting married!!!

How wonderful guys! Finally we've graduated from the Chyking classes. And for some that thought my principles were queer, as you can see they've worked for me. I am getting married to my friend.

This announcement has to come in stages

First the meeting
Becoming friends
Him not saying a thing
Finally making his intentions known
Me leaving for Masters
Long distance relationship
The reunion
The engagement
Preparing for the wedding

If you want to hear it all, keep visiting this blog.


My King is all and more than I wished for in my future husband. He is patient, kind, gentle, supportive, wise. He loves me with all my flaws. He seeks to make me a better woman. Thank you Lord for saving this one for me.

So now you know.


Radiant ~ October 2018