Wednesday, 15 April 2015

Friends On Facebook vs Friends For Real



Chidiogo, thanks for your article 'what it means ''not to have light'' in your house for one week'. It is simply a masterpiece. You roundly captured the pangs and pains a typical working class goes through in the cold fangs of our power suppliers. I wonder whether you're a medical doctor or a writer. I also wonder which of these enjoy ur greater passion. Whichever way, I thank God for this creative gift you're endowed with. However, permit me to say the only side of Chidiogo that is very unattractive to me is 'Snobbery'. Perhaps that is 'facebook Ibe Chidiogo Radiant'. Whichever way, what is the norm is that one tries to make his/her image no matter the circumstances. No need engaging the services of image makers when you can do that for yourself. We have a a fair belle, a sound intellect, a medic and a mind-bugging writer all in Chidiogo I know in facebook. What remains is an 'interactive' Chidiogo who has no time to reply to texts. Radiance involves lighting up people. That scarce time you take out to tweet 'hi' to those who care is part of your charitable work. A public figure must learn to manage people. Don't leave your admirers in the dark just as NEPA leaves us. It will be a double tragedy. No matter how stupid, distasteful or even pepperish your friends can appear, accomodate and manage them. Human beings are managed. I want not a haughty, pompous Radiant but a humble Radiant who would always radiate joy and hope to us with her abundant beauty, medical, social and literary knowledge and skills. I am on the watchout to see if this will still be ignored like others. Thanks. 


People ask how I manage 5000 Facebook contacts and wonder what a hell of a jungle my Facebook inbox would be. Truth is: I don't know how either. I kind of just go the easy way- ignoring his and hellos, only responding to comments about my blog or article. I've had people call me a snob and send hateful messages. I ignore them even more. It's not that I'm pompous, but I can't try to please everyone to my detriment. 

There are many things to do on Facebook apart from chatting. This is not the early Y2Ks when we were fascinated about the concept of internet and it's unavailability made it even more glamorous. We'd save money to buy air time in cyber caf├ęs to chat on Yahoo Messenger with Singhs from India and Suos from Singapore feigning that we were twenty-five 'cause no one was interested in minors. This is over a decade after, when people have the internet as their office and Facebook as their business platform. Though FB messenger has them active, it doesn't mean they are sitting aimlessly waiting for some chitchat. Dunno, just saying.

But of course, all work and no play, makes Jill a dull girl. Fun is the spice of life and we get to have fun every now and then. I love to meet people that appreciate my works. People like the friend whose comment I've displayed above and I've met quite a number on Facebook. People I first call when I need help with something they can offer or I seek their opinion about my articles, whose compliments I derive strength from. 

The thing is, many people mistake Facebook friendship for real life friendship. Because we are friends on Facebook, they expect us to be buddies. It doesn't work that way. A Facebook friend is simply an acquaintance unless we were friends before I added them. True friendship is earned with time and I've made a few via Facebook; some I have never even seen before.

NB: Friends on Facebook is 'not equal to' friends for real
       But friends on Facebook 'could become' friends for real

PS: I replied him and we've had good conversations since then.

©Radiant~ April 2015

4 comments :

omumuawuike ebi said...

Hi Radiant, I recently just understood the importance of leaving feedback for ones posts and that it isn't enough to think how nice the piece is but to say it as well. Nice piece, Radiant.

Oba of Lag said...

First the good news: The world is full of honest, kindhearted, well-adjusted people.
Now the bad news: There are also plenty of people who are less than emotionally healthy, the kind who manipulate, lie, and cheat. Definitely the ones you want stay far away from.
You can avoid lots of trouble by knowing what to look for in a toxic person. Here are fifteen warning signs . . .
1. The person talks way too much and listens way too little. Dominating the conversation often signals insecurity, self-centeredness, or narcissism.
2. He/she always needs to be right. No matter how big or small the topic, the toxic individual doesn’t allow room for differing opinions and turns a discussion into a debate that must be won.
3. There’s constant drama. Some people attract, and maybe need, consistent episodes of crisis, conflict, and clamor. They seem to thrive on having a big personal mess to clean up and feel uncomfortable with a calm routine.
4. Truth-telling is not a high priority. Even slight variations on what you know to be the truth, or careful omission of facts, is enough to put the person on your watch list.
5. There are signs of addiction or dependency. If left unaddressed, compulsive behavior involving alcohol, drugs, gambling, pornography, and other issues is sure to damage many aspects of the individual’s life—including your relationship.
6. Desperation is in the air. Emotionally healthy people will be eager to get know you as an individual—not overeager to get into a relationship (any relationship) because of loneliness or neediness.
7. Conversation is salted with sarcasm. Derogatory comments and cutting humor, even if you aren’t the target, signal a lack of empathy or a need to prove superiority.
8. Straight answers are in short supply. To your direct questions, you get evasive responses, mixed messages, or contradictions. The person is cagey about where he was last night and how things are at work. If it seems like he’s hiding something, he probably is.
9. The person has a victim mentality. All of his/her problems are someone else’s fault—unreasonable boss, unloving parents, lousy roommate, the government. Constant blame-shifting usually demonstrates a lack of personal responsibility.
10. “Common folk” are treated poorly. Rude, insensitive behavior toward restaurant servers, dry-cleaners, and store clerks reveals an arrogant attitude.
11. The person likes to gossip. Rumormongering serves no purpose except to harm others’ reputations and an attempt to burnish one’s own.
12. He/she bashes the ex. Justified or not, no one wants to hear endless complaints about a former partner. There’s nothing healthy about staying stuck in the past. Move on already.
13. His/her stories seem grandiose. Exaggerations about accomplishments, acquaintances, and adventures demonstrates a need to brag, which demonstrates a shaky self-esteem.
14. The person tries to control you. If you feel pressure to act and think according to someone else’s wishes rather than your own, head for the nearest exit.
15. Your gut instinct screams, “Look out!” Trust your intuition—it’s usually a reliable guide. You may like them, but you know you can’t trust them. They’re dishonest and/or unethical and just generally bad news, and they don’t normally appreciate advice or judgement from people looking to steer them toward a better path.

Omo Onile said...

The saying…if one cooks for his/her community or for many people, they the many people or community will happily finish the cooked meal and even ask for more. The challenge however is when the role changes, and the community or the many people decides to cook in their large number to feed the “over sabi” individual, the “sabi too much” individual will certainly be overwhelmed by such excess food and eventually run away from being choked to death.
The world is a free arena, so large that an individual can chose to become a renowned snob, become rude and arrogant, pompous to all, but mark my word, many will not notice, after all, the person is just one person among the over 7 (seven) billion human beings on earth. It will only matter if the whole world or many thereof decides to snob the individual, or become rude, arrogant and pompous to the individual.
Even though knowing the way you think, you wont like this bitter truth, but you still have to be told whats already happening to you. Both your “5000” facebook friends and supposed real friends are already giving you the “snobbery” treatment having known the real you. First, you make a post on facebook, your blog, and your other facebook blog page, but over 99% of both your facebook page and follower/visitors to your blog are neither acknowledging your post, not liking it nor making meaningful comments and discussion on the post, too bad a score. You realizing this poor outing goes further to specifically name and mention the supposed real friends to come bail you out on your supposed “good post”, but they still sits on the fence and snub you and your invite simply because they don’t want to help you massage your very BIG Ego. Learn

Nwamaka Ajaegbu said...

Interesting read. My Facebook account is more personal than every other social network. I don't even mention it in any article I write. Not until I sign up for a Facebook fan page.

PS: That guy sounds like someone with a good heart. I like him already. Radiance, keep being nice dear.