Tuesday, 1 January 2019

Marriage 101: How Resentment Breeds


Why are you frowning?, hubby asks.

I quickly construct a fake smile and reply,

I am not frowning. Should I be smiling all the time? In my mind, so someone cannot afford to frown. You just have to notice.

Then I hear in my spirit
You have no right to be angry when you can not articulate what the problem is.

Do you recognise this scenario?

Many times we are angry about something but cannot really explain to the other what it is we are angry about. How do we expect them to understand and to apologise? We think they should just know that they’ve hurt us. 

The following scriptures come to mind.
Love is not resentful - 1 Cor 13:5
Be angry and sin not. Do not let the sun go down on your wrath - Eph 4:26
Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you - Heb 12:15

I do not want to allow the devil a door into my marriage. So I ask for grace to confess my unhappiness to my husband and God grants me utterance.

I lied. Yes I was frowning. I was angry. I am angryI confess.

Okay... why are you angry?, he probes.

We go on to talk about what had happened and we find out the problem is not what he said but how he said it. We resolve our differences and I am happy again.

It takes self discipline and humility to confess anger to your partner. But it is sure worth it. You may find out that you misunderstood their intention. Or at least they now know what gets on your nerves and will be careful to avoid it next time. 

How easily can you tell your partner that they’ve annoyed you? Do you prefer to be silent and frown? Do you tell it as it is? Please share in the comments section below. 

PS: Resolve to not let the devil a door into your marriage this year. Do not breed resentment. 
Happy new year!

Radiant ~ January 2018

3 comments :

Aluh Owoicho said...

Beautiful piece. I throw inexplicable mood swings at my partner so much and feel badly afterwards! Glad to see someone is teaching me how to overcome this.

Gene said...

I've found that so long as communication is constant, there is hardly any room for misunderstanding and resentment. Every word or feeling left unshared robs that relationship of the chance to grow a deeper bond. Where wisdom comes in is in knowing how to communicate in a manner that expresses one's true feelings in a manner that is not antagonistic or vindinctive

A soft answer turns away wrath.

Great writeup Dio ��

Chidiogo Ibe said...

Well said Gene. A soft answer indeed turns away wrath. The tone of our voice makes a big difference.