Monday, 26 March 2018

Inside A Stammerer's Pain

How does it feel like to have thoughts bottled up in you begging for freedom but finding none? I will not forget in a hurry.   
I used to be a stammerer. Yes the key word is "used to" because I'm no longer. And I don't care if you still hear me stammer sometimes. I said I'm no longer a stammerer. We'll talk about that next Sunday.  
The purpose of this post is to create an awareness. Just to give you a little sneaky peep into what life is like for a stammerer, of whom I was the least anyway. I can't even imagine how difficult it must be for others who have it more severe.  
I am angered when people make fun of stammerers. They think it's a joke to mimic a stuttering speech. If only they knew what it felt like, it wouldn't be a laughing matter.   
Do you joke about people being blind? Or about someone on a wheelchair? So why would you make fun of someone being a stammerer? Don't you know it's quite a disability for some?   
How would you feel to be imprisoned in your thoughts, not being able to express yourself fully, having a social phobia, giving the impression that you're shy or that you're an introvert when in the real fact, you are the opposite? How would you feel to just easily give in to an argument because you can't afford to defend yourself? How would you feel to be embarrassed in front of a new crowd because there was no way you could escape saying your own name? How would you feel about deliberately telling half-truths just to escape the truth that wouldn't come out without shaming you. For example, you are asked, 'what's the time?'. You look at your watch and see it's 10:57. How unlucky! An F and an S, you know you can't escape stuttering on those. So you say it's 11. Imagine you had to almost always not say things how they are because you want to avoid some embarrassment.  
People think you're not sociable because your words are few or that you have a problem with English language because you have to substitute words with ones queer but more palatable for your cords.  
How would you feel to never be able to take on your dream job because despite equality and inclusion, you cannot bear to be a set back. The role requires you talk and that, fluently. You know you're not just fit for it.   
You know what I liken it to? Though I've never been there so I can't be sure. But I guess it feels like being crippled when you know you have a thing for athletics. Though I've heard stories of those who were able to overcome that to do something nice for themselves. I know of one who danced with her artificial limb. But however best you adapt, the truth of the matter is you still are not able to do what you really would have loved to do if you were like others and you can't escape that thought of "if only".   
It is really tough on stammerers. So please don't make it harder by mocking them. Don't mock people just because they are different from you. You can never know the tears they've shed, the endless prayers to be like you, the tireless efforts to save themselves, the exploitation they've gone through because of it.   
Don't mock the fat, the ugly, the short, the long, the unmarried, the childless, the divorced, and every other label you can think of. People did not create themselves. Situations happen upon people. If many had a choice, they would prefer to look like or talk like or be like someone else. It is hard enough that they are trying to play with the cards that nature served them.  
Don’t mock them because until you're in their shoes, you can never know their pain.  
Radiant ~ March 2018

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