Wednesday, 29 May 2019

How To Stop Craving Your Man's Attention


Hey girl! Do you feel like you miss your man too much? You think you give him a lot of attention but it is not reciprocated. You want to spend more time with him but he is too busy at his work. You have no doubt that he really loves you, but you wish he could be more expressive and spend more time with you. This may be more evident during the early stages of your relationship. 

You may ask. Is it bad to crave my partner's attention? According to Collins dictionary, to crave is to desire intensely, to need greatly or urgently, or to beg or plead for. Sounds to me like wanting something badly. So yes. It can be unhealthy especially when you are not getting it. It can leave you frustrated and could take a toll on your self esteem. 

So here are some tips on how to stop craving his attention.

How to stop craving his attention

1. Fill up your time
To be honest with you, boredom may be the reason you miss him too much. You may not have much to do so you expect him to help you spend your free time. After ruling out sheer lack of respect for you as a reason for his inattention, try becoming more occupied. Get a job, learn a new skill, go to school, find a new hobby, read a book, hit the gym, just find something to occupy your mind. Not only will it help you displace the constant intrusive thoughts of him, but this will help you gain back your self esteem in case you've lost it and may even get his attention as you are more attractive when you have a value to add.

2. Give him some space
People become more edgy when they are on each other's faces. An old adage says distance makes the heart fonder and this is sometimes true. Consider if you are all over him and he just wants some breathing space. Maybe he wants to hang out with his friends, concentrate at work to meet his targets, or he is in a tough place which you haven't noticed because you've been too focused on yourself. Psychologists say men aren't very good at talking about their problems. They prefer to brood through solutions in a private space. You may need to give him that space.

3. Spend time with other friends
Visit your friends, group travel, go to the cinema, go shopping with friends. Your life does not have to revolve around him. However, don't do this as a payback or to try to retaliate because you will feel worse if he does not as much as notice your effort. The purpose of this is to help you find happiness apart from him. It is easy to ignore friends once you are in an exclusive relationship, but friends have an important place in our lives. 

4. Go on a spiritual retreat
Sometimes the void you feel is a symptom of spiritual hunger. Check your relationship with God. You may need to go on a spiritual retreat. 

The cure for excessively craving your man's attention may not always be spending more time with him. Trying to get him to spend more time with you may even hurt you more because he may not understand what you're stressing about. To him, he is giving you just enough attention. If you find yourself in that situation, then try some of the above tips and see your man running back to you.

Are you in a relationship? How do you cope with your partner's apparent negligence? Let's talk in the comment section.

Radiant ~ May 2019

Wednesday, 1 May 2019

Living With A Stammer - What It Feels Like


Stammering or stuttering is a speech problem characterised by hesitancy (as words are stuck and won’t just come out), long pauses in speech, prolongation of certain words and repetitions. It mostly starts in childhood during speech development, but it could start in adulthood as well. Stammerers make up about 1% of adult population worldwide.

Ever wondered what life was like for those who stammer? Well, imagine yourself in their shoes. From personal experience, here are some of the challenges you are very likely to face daily.

1.   Tension every time you meet a new person. Nodding and smiling as they introduce themselves, but in your mind you are praying, ‘please don’t ask my name’. Worse still with round table introductions. You get a panic attack as it nears your turn. Unfortunately, there is no way of getting around that. If you decide it is time to use the loo, when you are back, you become the centre of focus.

2.   Being the one that sits still and listens to every other person in a conversation, meanwhile having valid arguments and contributions you just cannot utter. Being mistaken for an introvert. If only they really knew you.

3.   Substituting words mid-sentence and not completing your line of thoughts. Saying only as little as would permit. Coming across as having poor vocabulary. Then people tell you, "you don’t really stutter. I could hardly tell". Well, this is why.

4.   Hoping and praying you get skipped when chapters are being assigned for public reading during  a literature class or Bible study. Yet feeling bad when you are skipped.


5.   Appearing incompetent despite knowing your stuff in toto because of a stutter that strips you of your confidence.

6.   Not being able to say ‘thank you’ when you should. Appearing ungrateful or queer when you rather say, "God bless you" or "Gracias".

7.   When exchanging phone numbers, asking for people’s phones so you can type your number rather than calling it out. No you are not intrusive. You are just a stammerer.


8.   Talking over the phone and the person at the other end says, "can you please repeat what you said, your line is very poor". Well, except you can come up with alternative words, that line will remain poor.


9.   Choosing a less vocally demanding occupation like IT, research, writing despite having a flare for say theatre, stand up comedy, teaching, radio/tv presenting or marketing or if you happen to be in a vocally challenging career, everyday's work is a battle to conquer.


10.   Being accustomed to feelings of embarrassment, self pity, helplessness, anxiety, anger, frustration or social phobia.

I hope with these few scenarios you can understand a little about what stammerers go through and how we feel everyday and have more empathy. 

How Can You Help A Stammerer? 

Let’s start by how you cannot.

You don’t help when you take your eyes off me during our conversation. You only make me feel you are embarrassed by my stammer which makes it worse for me.

You may be tempted to finish my sentence, but that does not change the fact that I must complete it myself as I cannot just hang there. Besides it could come across like I am wasting your time. Then I might want to speed up which makes it all worse. So don’t.

I know there are various options to help stammerers including speech therapy, feedback devices and apps. If you are a stammerer and have tried any of these, please share your experience in the comment section below. Did it work for you? I have tried a phone app that uses delayed auditory feedback (DAF), it didn't help. I am looking at trying speech therapy now. Would appreciate recommendations for any good ones in Norfolk. I have gone months without a stammer and then suddenly relapse. It's very frustrating. I want a permanent solution.

Isaiah 32:4b -  "and the stammering tongue will be fluent and clear". This is what I believe.

Radiant ~ May 2019